I For One Welcome Our Dabbing Overlords

At this rate my fellow Saints fans are going to accuse me of liking the Panthers.

I swear I don’t! I’m just at the point where I have to talk myself into this or else I’m going to be very disappointed on February 7th.

Two years ago, I was convinced that there was NO CHANCE the Seahawks could beat the Broncos. The Broncos had Peyton and a dynamic, record-breaking offense. The Seahawks had a decent offense and an unlikable cast of characters. I said it on prediction threads, on podcasts, to friends: the Broncos were going to get Peyton his second ring.

And then…

Then it was 43-8. And that’s when I realized that I had been lying to myself the entire week before the Super Bowl. I didn’t think the Broncos would win — I just WANTED them to win because I disliked the Seahawks. I did what I always do: let my emotions and what I want blind me to reality because I don’t want to see the world for its true, depressing, dark self.

…life is going fine, why do you ask?

Anyway, I won’t do the same thing this time. I am naturally biased against the Panthers because they are in the Saints’ division. And for all I defend Cam Newton, I’m not actually a fan of his. Also, I know some Panthers fans that are going to be insufferable when they win the Super Bowl. So yeah, I don’t want them to win. I want the Broncos to win.

But I won’t let that fact blind me to the facts: the Panthers are a better team.

Like, a much better team.

Every person who disagrees with me says the same thing: “but the Denver defense, Nate! The Denver defense is the best in the league! They neutered Tom Brady! This will come down to defense!”

Yes, it will come down to defense. Carolina also has a phenomenal defense. Plus they don’t have a duck-chucker who’s 75% forehead at quarterback.

I love Peyton Manning, and I’d love for him to get another ring (although if he does it won’t really be a career accomplishment, but I’ll save that BLAZING HOT TAKE for another day). But he let me down before. And when he faces quick pressure, he makes mistakes. And this defense is the best defense at forcing turnovers. They’re also top 5 in stopping the run, which was tough for the Broncos to establish against the Patriots.

Overall, the Broncos looked overmatched. And rather than fight against it and assure a Broncos victory, I’m going to come to terms with a Dabbing Party at Santa Clara’s hottest club a few hours after the game. I’ll accept Cam Newton being anointed a Top 5 quarterback and smiling his way to more than just yogurt commercials. I’ll sigh and mumble, “Maybe Ron Rivera is a good coach”  while ordering a triple shot of Jamison.

“That’s the MVP, The Lombardi Trophy, the Super Bowl MVP, and a lifetime subscription to Smug Winners Magazine.” (source: Rantsports)

The Carolina Panthers are the best team in football, and they will win Super Bowl 50. I’m coming to terms with it. You should too.

 

 

(and if this reverse curse works and the Broncos win, MUAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA EAT IT CAROLINA I HOPE THERE’S NO DABBING IN HELL)