“He died as he lived,” the priest said, in front of a congregation full of teary eyes.
“Amen!” one of the mourners uttered.
“Making pre-snap adjustments to have the halfback stay in to block and protect from the double A gap blitz and then hit the slot receiver on the bubble screen,” the priest finished, nodding solemnly.
This is Monday Morning Jerkface.
Night of the Living Arm
Never in my experience watching football had a 6-0 team come under as much fire as the 2015 Denver Broncos. Peyton Manning’s arm was called a noodle, and football analyst have been training us to believe that there is only a matter of time before the defense can’t carry them any further.
But maybe there was another 6-0 team we should have been worried about. And in retrospect, it makes sense.
The only team with a winning record that the Packers had beaten coming into Sunday night’s showdown against Denver, was the Rams, and even that was a struggle at home. They were coming off of a game where they had surrendered over five hundred passing yards to the Chargers, Eddie Lacy has been unable to run the ball effectively, and none of the wide receivers have been able to get much separation down the field.
Aaron Rodgers is likely the best quarterback in the NFL, but Sunday night’s performance is a painful reminder for Packer fans that he is not a one man team. The Packers had to fight and claw for every inch. Three yard passing plays looked entirely too difficult, and relying on defensive penalties was their most surefire offensive formula. The loss of Jordy Nelson looms larger and larger, as none of the Packers current crop of wide receivers is a legitimate deep threat. The Broncos, on the other hand, cruised down the field with big chunks of yards nearly every single play.
To me it had been a foregone conclusion that the Patriots would end up with home field advantage in the AFC, but maybe not. Maybe the Broncos ability to rush the passer and blanket receivers will be the difference. And yeah, maybe Peyton Manning’s arm isn’t dead yet.
It’s Time to Stop Talking About Cowboys Football
After their blown fourth quarter lead against the Seahawks, the Dallas Cowboys are a game and a half out of first in their division, but so are the St. Louis Rams. Seen a lot of debate about the Rams on Sportscenter recently?
Now, don’t get me wrong…the Cowboys can still be discussed. But just not in a football context. Below are acceptable Dallas Cowboy talking points:
-Dez Bryant loves it when people almost get paralyzed
-Jerry Jones is an enabling piece of shit
-Has anyone ever defecated on the star?
So the next time you think about discussing the Cowboys’ playoff chances (non-existent) or if this team can run the table when Tony Romo comes back (they won’t) just…don’t. There are plenty of alternative Cowboy topics.
Like: what kind of screams would Greg Hardy make if he were on fire?
-The Steelers lost to the Bengals, but the bigger blow is the loss of Le’Veon Bell for the year.
-The Giants and Saints combined for the third most points in NFL history, in a game where Brees and Manning combined to throw thirteen touchdown passes. Thirteen!
-I had a clever bit about how irrelevant the Texans win over the Titans was, but after taking a look at the standing they are now only a half game out of first. The AFC South isn’t uh…great.
-The Bears must be literally saying “Almost win on 3!” during the pregame pep talk huddle.
-Colin Kaepernick might need some help reading the defense.
-Steve Smith is done for the year, which means that the Baltimore Ravens will continue to trot out pass catchers with made up names. Crockett Gillmore? THAT’S NOT A REAL FUCKING NAME.
-Most of America was still in bed when the Lions were being destroyed by the Chiefs in London, and I think Detroit’s strategy should be to insist that it didn’t actually happen.
-The Raiders are happy to be 4-3, but if they could have managed to score more than 16 points against Denver and not blown the game in the final minute against Chicago this could be a team that is competing for first place
-Enjoy watching the announcers make excuses for Andrew Luck on Monday Night Football tonight!