Tag Archives: marshawn lynch

Infomercial: NFL’s Money Making System

[To be aired during graveyard hours of 1-4AM]

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Hi, I’m Richard Karn. You might know me from Home Improvement, Family Feud, or as the guy who’s slowly turning into Kenny Rogers.

Are you struggling making ends meet? Do you dread the first of the month? Have you ever found yourself performing ungodly acts on perfect strangers just so you can keep your water running? Well don’t worry. I’m here to sell an amazing product — no, not a product — a philosophy and belief system that will change your life forever. It is created by the genius who brought you unnecessary celebration penalties, uneven punishments, replacement referees, and unenforceable concussion protocols. Today I bring to you: NFL’s Guaranteed Money Making System! Using skills and tactics made popular by the foremost sport in America, this system is guaranteed to dig you out of the financial quagmire that, let’s be honest, you probably got yourself into in the first place! Continue reading

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This Text is On Fire: The Seahawks TOTALLY Lost Because Marshawn Won’t Talk to the Media

My favorite thing to do during Super Bowl celebrations is watch when the cameramen switch off of the happy, jumping, shouting victorious team and focuses instead on the forlorn, agonized, deflated losing team. I like to see the sadness, not because I’m an awful person with an overheightened sense of Schadenfreude, but because I like to see the instant, raw reaction from these gladiators. It makes them more human.

Okay, maybe just a liiiiittle schadenfreude

Mostly I was looking to see how Marshawn Lynch reacted to the loss. Not because he was supposed to get the ball (although he was); but I wanted to see if Lynch realized what we all in the media knew from the start.

This loss is on him for not talking during media day. Continue reading

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