Tag Archives: chip kelly

Your Favorite Coach Sucks: Chip Kelly

Imagine you’re taking a college class. Something in literature, maybe covering literature during the Jazz Age. And you’re taking notes, listening to the professor, nodding intently. But every few minutes, one of your classmates speaks up, and he has something to say. The interruptions don’t bother you as much as his tone does. He speaks with an authority that matches the professor, which doesn’t fit because this kid is wearing a Bright Eyes shirt a size too small with Cheeto stains on it. But he continues to interject, and assert his knowledge, and basically tell everyone that he knows more about the subject than the professor.

You hate this guy, of course. Everyone does.

HemingwayPhoto.jpg

Even Ernie is like “Jesus, shut the fuck up dude.”

Now imagine you get your tests back that Friday. You’re looking at your score and you’re happy, but not too happy. You missed an easy question or two, and your handwriting looks like a doctor who suddenly became a zombie while writing. Then you look over and you see the interrupting classmate, the one who knows everything, and he’s hurrying to put away his test. But before he does, you see he got a 58 on it. A big fat sitting on the page.

But then, next week, he’s back at it again. Still interjecting, still acting like he knows everything. And now his authoritative tone is even more annoying. How could some dude who talks so much, who is so cocky, who doesn’t let the professor talk — how could this guy be so bad at the subject? Shouldn’t he listen more if he’s that bad? Shouldn’t he shut up?

This story was somewhat about my college experience (fuck you Mark), but it’s mostly about Chip Kelly, the equivalent of an English major with cheeto stains on his Bright Eyes shirt.

Your favorite coach is Chip Kelly, and he sucks. Continue reading

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Halloween Football Costumes: 2013 Edition

If you live in New Orleans and want all the candy/sex/free beer in the city, this isn't a bad way to go. (Source: SBNation)

If you live in New Orleans and want all the candy/sex/free beer in the city, this isn’t a bad way to go. (Source: SBNation)

It’s Halloween again, and it happens every year: you come up with an awesome costume idea, you tell all your friends, and then you sit on your ass for six months and don’t do anything until the last minute. And wouldn’t you know it, by that time most of the materials you need are gone! And you don’t want to do the “I’m a regular guy” costume or go the “I have to explain my costume to every person I meet” route, so what are you going to do?

YOU’RE GOING TO TREAT THIS BLOG AS YOUR BIBLE, THAT’S WHAT.

For the second straight year, I’m going to give you some excellent costume choices for tonight. Most don’t take much; they just need your imagination and your ability to act like a dick! Continue reading

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